The point of this trip is to throw myself in at the deep end. I don’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t nervous or fearful of something – often for no good reason. When the time came to decide what to do with my life after the safety blanket of Sixth form was pulled away, I resolved to do something different; something that would change me as a person. In other words I became that most risible of things: a gap year student. But this was a gap year with a dark twist – I wasn’t going to any ordinary third world country, I was going to Palestine.
After months of shuffling and reshuffling my plans, I finally arranged for a couple of volunteering placements in the heart of the West Bank. Some part of me kept asking myself why and to this I had very little answer except why not? With the indispensable help of my contact, who I won’t name here, the trip moved from a vague aspiration to a definite reality while through the stern prodding of my sister, who had also completed a long placement abroad, the finer details of the trip emerged.
When the day of my flight came, I was not in the best of spirits. That morning, a visit to the hospital had me diagnosed with Tonsillitis which explained why, in the last few days, I had been reduced to a shivering, sweating ball on my sofa. The rest of the day was a flurry of preparations and tearful goodbyes before, all too soon, I found myself bidding my parents goodbye at Stansted airport before weaving through the vast, emptiness of the departure lounge to reach the correct gate.
I could hardly believe I was going through with this. My first solo trip abroad…and I was going to Palestine? The very idea seemed half mad for anyone else but for a bookish, introvert like myself it was positively insane.
Though it was an overnight flight, I found myself unable to sleep. Instead my eyes drifted between the screen above my seat marking the gradual progress of the aircraft and the endless lights of Central and Eastern Europe drifting below us. At around five in the morning we arrived at Istanbul to change flights. Part of the compromise of getting a cheap flight had been making a changeover in Istanbul’s smaller airport; Sabiha Gökçen. I had pictured a few concrete blocks beside a single airstrip but I was pleasantly surprised to enter a completely modern airport. If it weren’t for the large Turkish flags on display this place could be anywhere in the western world.

The sun rose slowly over Istanbul. The Golden Horn and the Hagia Sophia were out of sight. Instead all that was visible through the windows was Istanbul’s urban sprawl and the hills of Anatolia where, almost 1000 years before, the Turks had ejected the Byzantine Greeks and settled in Asia Minor. They had ruled that land ever since.

The flight to Tel Aviv was decidedly brief – barely two hours – but it offered stunning views of the landscape beneath as we edged closer to Israel. As we flew I began to mentally rehearse what I was going to say at Israeli border control. I had heard the horror stories – of suspected volunteers being taken aside and strip-searched before being questioned for hours. Some I knew were just sent back if the Israelis suspected they were lying at any point. In order to avoid this, my contact had advised that I simply tell them I was here to visit historic sites and holy places. To complete this deception I was wearing a cross, a pair of beige chinos and a cream jacket that had belonged to my great-grandfather. I looked absurd; like some walking colonial relic but at least I looked nothing like a volunteer.
My anticipation grew as a stepped off the plane into the pristine corridors of steel and glass that greet you first at Ben Gurion Airport. The building is a marvel in itself – at its heart is a fountain where water pours vertically from the ceiling into an artificial lagoon beneath. Beyond that the corridor leading to border control consists of an avenue of enormous stone columns. If nothing else, I thought, I will have at least seen this if they send me back.

Waiting for me at border control was a rather tired looking man who regarded me with dispassionate interest from inside his glass booth before he began questioning me.
‘So, why are you visiting Israel?’
‘I am here for the history,’ I replied ‘and the holy sites.’
‘Which ones?’
‘The Church of the Holy Sepulchre, the Dome of the Rock, Nazareth-‘
‘Do you know anyone in Israel?’
‘No.’
‘Then where are you staying?’
I told him about the hostel I booked for Jerusalem. He then moved to why I decided to come to Israel in the first place.
‘I am studying War Studies at university later this year,’ I replied cheerfully before waffling about the battle sites I wanted to see while I am here. He stared at my passport for a while, obviously uncertain. Then, quite suddenly, he handed it back to me along with my visa.
‘Enjoy your stay in Israel,’ he said with an attempt at a smile. Well that was easy, I thought as I collected my bags.
Once I passed into arrivals I felt myself relax; time to start enjoying myself at last. Before I caught a shared taxi to Jerusalem I attempted to purchase a pre-paid SIM for use in Israel. In my exhausted and partly exhilarated state I made a hash of explaining myself. It transpired that I had to buy a cheap new phone altogether with the SIM, all of which cost me 500NIS or about £85. Slightly put out by this I did not enjoy the drive to Jerusalem. Gazing out at Israel, all I could see were patches of pine trees and quite ugly, square blocks of housing. I remembered from my reading of The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine (Ilan Pape) how Israel used forests to cover cleansed Palestinian settlements during the dark days of the 1948 war. I wondered whether these trees serve the same purpose. It says a great deal about the intractable conflict here that even nature itself has been used as a weapon.
After about 15 minutes on the road I noticed something chilling. On both sides, stone walls topped with barbed wire rose up. When I saw signs to Male Adumim I realise why – we are entering settler territory. Though Male Adumim looks and feels like a suburb of Jerusalem and the majority of its 40,000 residents are employed there, in fact this area is inside the Palestinian West Bank. Every house and structure here is built on expropriated Palestinian land; a clear violation of international law. Worse, the settlement is situated at the choke point between the northern area of the West Bank (containing Ramallah, Nablus, Jenin and so on) and the south (containing Hebron and Bethlehem). Thus the West Bank is split irreversibly into two halves, dividing the Palestinian population and making territorial contiguity impossible for an independent Palestine. At a conference earlier this year Jeff Halper, the Director of the Israeli Committee Against House Demolitions, called the continued expansion of Male Adumim the death of the two state solution. If ever there was tangible evidence of Israel’s territorial ambitions in the West Bank then this was it – a knife held at the throat of Palestine.
The taxi dropped me at the Jaffa gate and I immediately lurched towards the nearest information point, desperate to find my hostel and relieve my back from the ghastly weight of my bag. I am pointed down a narrow street lined with shops and after a few wrong turns I saw signs to the Citadel Hostel. Salvation! After one last wrong turn I made it into the hostel lobby to be greeted with an unsmiling receptionist who pointed me towards the roof where, for reasons that seemed clearer at the time, I elected to sleep. The Citadel Hostel had the feel of a place that had seen better days – there were awards displayed behind the reception desk for the Hostel’s hospitality but the most recent one dated from 2012. The archaic stone walls and twisted staircases that had seemed so characterful on the website seemed, to my eyes, sparse and frankly a bit tacky. As for the shared bathrooms, I had rarely seen a more squalid arrangement and this was not for lack of experience with youth hostels. Nevertheless, the rooftop views were every bit as stunning as I had imagined; while the song of church bells mixed with the calls of the Muezzin, I gazed endlessly at the Temple Mount which glowed gold in the dying light.

Eventually I lay back and allowed the exhaustion that I had held back all this time wash over me. None of this seems quite real, I thought to myself. I had only ever read about Jerusalem in books and yet here I was gazing out across the city. I then realised, almost for the first time, that I will be in this region for the next three months.